Sunday, October 24, 2010

Why do I call myself ‘obsessive mom’

This is in response to a query in the comments section -- Why do I call myself ‘Obsessive mom’. What a can of worms has been opened!
The name is based on honest self-evaluation -- I AM one. In my defense I would like to explain how/why I became one.

Tough beginnings
To begin with I had a tough pregnancy. Oh I won’t bother you with all the gory details. Let’s just say that becoming a mom when you’re well in your thirties in age and well in your seventies in weight, is never easy. Add to that the fact that you are carrying twins and the odds are stacked against you... heavily.
That’s when the obsession started. I ate, napped, walked and took my medicines (including giving myself an injection every day) with the single thought of keeping my babies safe and healthy.

When they came
Once they were born at 1.9 kgs and 1.4 kgs, the obsession just grew.
  • I obsessed about their intake of milk, counting ounces like Shylock counted his gold.
  • I obsessed about the outflow too making five-strike statistics stacks to keep track of how many times they did the small jobs and big jobs.. if you know what I mean.
  • I guarded them with an eagle eye. If someone as much as tried to touch them I freaked… ‘wash your hands’ I’d bellow, the ‘please’ lost somewhere in my concern.
  • I was up most nights burping them after the doc mentioned a baby dying because he wasn’t burped properly. (Much later I found out sometimes they just don’t burp.)
  • I monitored their sleep, eat, play routine like an army sergeant. Still do. (Why don’t they hate me?)
  • I made copious notes on ‘things to ask the doctor’ at the next appointment.
  • Once Hrit slept too much, I went to the doc.
  • Naisha didn’t do the big job for two days, I went to the doc
  • Once Hrit went on and on having milk, I went to the doc.
The endless queries

This is embarrassing.. but I'm in the confessional

And later.. now.. a thousand worries still…
Coughs, sneezes, running nose, wheezes… off to the ped
Hrit walked late.. should I consult a physio, I asked my ped? She laughed at me.
Fights in the playground… I marched to the counselor
At four plus Hrit still has some speech unclarity… I’ve been considering a speech therapist

However it’s not all worry and trouble
  • I LOVE being a stay at home mom (at least most times)
  • I love giving them a bath even now despite doing it everyday for four plus years.
  • I love choosing what they’ll wear, though they’re taking away that pleasure from me.
  • I love waving ‘bye’ to them after they board their school bus.
  • And I love being there to hold their hands as they get off in the afternoon.
  • I truly enjoy their school stories.
  • I love cooking for them.. even though I’m cooking challenged.

Okay okay.. I guess you get the idea…

As a result…
  • I became a pariah among family and friends because I had time for nothing and no one.
  • I gave up the love of my life Shah Rukh Khan….  no films other than MNIK in the theatre since they were born.
  • I have always loved shopping and now I find myself spending endless hours in the kids’ section. Thanks to my mom/sister I’m still clothed.
  • My monthly visits to the parlour have come down to a quarterly ceremony.
  • I gave up the gym and touched 80 kgs.. this time without carrying any kids.

Don't think I didn’t evaluate myself. I did. http://obsessivemom.blogspot.com/2009/12/am-i-really-obsessive.html.

After word
Most of this is normal new-mom behaviour.. I was perhaps marginally worse because I had two of them together and little support.
I am happy to add that as the kids grow I’m slowly getting over the obsessive disorder.
I go to the gym.. my weight is down by 6 kgs.
I have started writing, (posts gone up from 5 in 2006 to 84 already in 2010).
I actually got a story published and made some money after five whole years (Yay! Though the cheque is still awaited).
I won the ‘Sporting memories’ contest on Blogadda which had absolutely nothing to do with kids… double yay.
In another few years I might look at rechristening the blog. What say?

9 comments:

  1. quintessential TULIKA... just amazing

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  2. Most new moms I know are like that. :) My sister is one example. I call her the paranoid mother. See she already has a blogname ready if she plans to start writing. :)

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  3. @Apoorva: Thank you..get set.
    @G: Looking forward to your sister's blog:-)))) PS: Don't rag her though, it IS tough.

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  4. Hi Tulika . Got here thru blogadda . I was also a obsessive Mom when I started my blog. Now slowing kids are spreading their wings :)
    Happy that I made it to here :D
    Your check lists reminds me of my own experiences even though mine weren't twins :)

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  5. @krishnnaleela: Wierd isn't it what the kids do to you? But it's fun and well worth it.

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  6. Tulika, I am going to tell you a secret today... "You are the MODEL MOM" if there is a term like that. I learnt about patience, setting schedules & adhering by them, letting go of your ego once in a while, not throwing parent tantrums, etc. only after seeing you. I wouldn't call you 'obsessive' but I would call you 'the best' mom.

    If any day in future (adolescence), Hrit & Naisha get too big for their boots and slam doors on your face, tell me. I'll give them a call & tell them all that you've done for them.

    Good Luck!

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  7. Glad I stumbled upon this before starting wid any other post, because the why was stuck wid me too :). U seem like a good Mom.

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  8. @Archana: Muah.. thanks. I'm sure I'll need you to talk to the kids sooner rather than later. :-)

    @OHW: Thanks. The thing with mothering is I always feel I could do better. So your reassurance makes me feel gooood.

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