Thursday, February 13, 2014

E is for Embarrassment!

Having kids is great therapy. They are free souls and ensure you become one too, whether you like it or not. It's quite a journey - this transformation from a self-conscious person to a free soul. Along the way there are scores of moments when you crave Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, when you wish you were anywhere but there, when you wish you were anyone but their mum.. But does that happen? Nah never. So you grin and bear it.

That's what I did.

From my early days as a parent, here are my top five May-the-earth-open-up-and-swallow-me moments.


1. When N was barely two she got into a brawl with a shopkeeper. She tottered into a shoe shop and took a fancy to one of their footstools. Without so much as a 'May I' (she could barely talk.. so one may consider that as an excuse) she decided she had to have it. When I reached the crime scene the gentle shopkeeper was trying to wrest it out of her grasp, while she hung on, babbling profanities (I presume). It took some serious persuasion before she let go.

2. Then there was the time she had a tantrum in a mall. She lay down on the floor screaming. I was trying to wean her out of her tantrum throwing so I pretended to walk off, then stood at a distance watching the drama. Within minutes a crowd gathered. Before I could go claim her there were about 20 people looking on and wondering which heartless mother had abandoned her thus. Yeah.. this round went to her completely!

3. Then once H started craving pineapple. What with my crazy schedule, I kept putting him off. One day he spotted it at a juice stall. Before I could say 'pineapple' he had picked up the huge fruit and sprinted off followed by the stall owner, followed by me with all my post pregnancy weight, followed by N who thought I was deserting her. Phew! Quite a race that was.

4. Another time at the mall while playing hide and seek among the clothes, H discovered the accessories stand. I presume he took it to be a tiny merry go round of sorts with girly jewellery as its boring occupants. So he decided to perk things a bit and give them a memorable ride. He spun it so hard hairbands and earrings went flying out in all directions. That was perhaps the last nail in the coffin of my self-consciousness.

5. Oops did I say last? Correction! The last nail was the day they discovered the lingerie section. See the possibilities? That day the kids, all of three, discovered more ways to work with those wares than you and I can ever imagine. Trying to figure out how/where they were worn, coolly discussing which was a better colour - Turquoise or pink - and even calling out to my sister.. Masi which colour do you want? My sister vowed never to go out with them.

They scarred me for life. For years 'MALLS' meant 'DANGER' not that they needed to be in a mall to embarrass us. They were pretty flexible that way and could work with any situation.

And I'm not even counting everyday stuff like peeking under changing rooms (Mama do you need help?) or holding conversations while you're in a public loo (Mama how long will you take? Mam come out now. Mama we're getting bored... all in the space of two minutes), or kicking co-passengers' seats during flights (Don't even get me started on that one).

However, this is in no way meant to deter my yet kid-less friends. Learn from them, I say. Keep an arsenal of apology and a winning smile at the ready even if in your head you're going 'oh shit, oh shit oh shit'. (Nope you CANNOT say that aloud, kids are listening, remember?)

One thing I can promise, you never will have a dull moment.
*********


Linking to ABC Wednesday. For more Exciting Entries go  here.


33 comments:

  1. I can relate to this post although my baby is 29 so those days were some time ago. I remember getting pulled over by a policeman and my child was screaming at the top of her lungs, you're going to get arrested and go to jail and who will take care of me. We were on our way to her junior choir practice, I think she was about 5 and I was distracted by a long whine and was going about 4 miles over the speed limit. The policeman didn't even give me a ticket. I think he felt sorry for me given the fit my daughter was throwing so he just told me to slow down. I can't imagine where she even got that idea from because I didn't let her watch adult TV shows. I protected her from the news and so much at that age but she had started kindergarten so possibly picked up the idea of jail etc. there. Carver, ABC Wed. Team

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    1. Lol... Carver... That must have been quite a scene. Even strangers empathise with mums, I know I do.

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  2. This made me not only smile, but laugh out loud! We have ALL been there, my dear, and we survived. so will you! When you look back on these days, you will smile, too. I so happy you have joined in with ABCW as I truly enjoy reading your posts.

    Leslie
    abcw team

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    1. Glad it made you smile Leslie. It's funny in retrospect however while it's happening you're closer to tears than smiles!

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  3. Hilarious, Tulika! That's a good haul of embarrassing moments :) I was picturing everything in my head - the jewelry flying, the pineapple run, the peeking under stalls! One of my favourite posts of yours :)

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    1. :-D Shailaja thanks. And to think I was so low on inspiration this week.. But the kids aways make for a great post.

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  4. Hahaha :D Memories to treasure OM !! You're right.. there's never a dull moment :D

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  5. More than embarrassment they were damn funny Tullika :D :D and whatte moments to capture for them to read later :P

    Richa

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    1. Hope they realise what they've put us through !

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  6. OMG Tulika.. this is a gem of a collection.. can't wait to hear what the kids say when they read it as well ;).

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  7. There is a never a dull moment with energetic kids around but I think the embarrassment incidents are pretty bad. But as one look back its fun to remember.

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  8. LOL, I can relate to all of this and have been there and done that. Fortunately my kids are older and a little less prone to pull off stunts in public. They all go through that and we as mom's wish the earth would open and swallow! ♥

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  9. Lol... You sure won't be having a dull.moment for years to.come.

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    1. ....and I was hoping I'd have peace soon!

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  10. Helarious to the core. I have a 6 months old kid. Wondering my future mall visits. Lovely read.

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    1. Thanks Neo Prady.. you have some peace till she/he starts walking and then the fun begins.

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  11. Helarious to the core. I have a 6 months old kid. Wondering my future mall visits. Lovely read.

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  12. Phew...I empathize with what this is like. I used to have a nephew who threw tantrums by banging his head against the floor when he didn't get his way! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. OMG.. that's worse. he could seriously hurt himself.

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  13. I guess I was truly blessed then with well behaved kids.

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    1. You cannot even begin to imagine what a blessing that is.

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  14. Hilarious post, clutching my tummy and rolling on the bed kind of funny :) You have a great writing style.

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    1. Thanks for dropping by Sulekha and for that compliment.. (can never have enough of those :-))

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  15. LOL...such adventurous kids,...though I have already heard so much about them from Nisha, i simply feel children invent strangely weird ways to embarrass us and even more curious creative ways to try our patience. Nice post...very hilarious :)

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    1. Thanks Kajal.. I hope she's told you some good stuff too :-D.

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  16. I - So - Relate -To -This! I am a mom to twin boys too and they have the knack of just embarrassing us in all places!

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    1. Twin boys? Whew! I so can imagine what it would be like.

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  17. OMG!! This was HILARIOUS!! Wow... kids sure know how to entertain, errr I mean embarrass us!! :D

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    1. Right Shilpa.. It's E for Entertainment for 'others' and embarrassment for the mothers!

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