Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Spending Quality time with kids - one on one

Most times I feel like the luckiest person on earth because of the wonderful ‘package deal’ I got when I had the twins. However one of the downsides of having two children of the same age is that I have to struggle to find time with each of them alone. That’s one reason I look forward to the summers when I come home. Other than both sets of grandparents, our hometown is bursting with uncles, aunts and cousins. What’s better, the kids have different ‘favourites’ and most of them are just a short walk away. That’s as good as it can possibly get. It’s such a luxury to pack off one the twins to their favourite aunts/cousin’s place without a twinge of apprehension or guilt while I spend time Quality time with the other.

It is also a wonderful time to test the waters on letting them try out their independence. Last year, while all the cousins were having a sleepover, H pretended he ‘just wasn’t sleepy’ since he’d rather die than accept that he couldn’t sleep without ‘mama’. He lounged in the living room till we persuaded him to come sleep with me. This year, he has been going for the sleepover for the past two days without as much as a 'May I'. That's a huge step forward for this clingy son of mine. And I cannot begin to say how happy/relieved I am.

N is the independent one and doesn’t seem to need anyone which is even more reason to keep the conversation flowing and the connection strong. When we’re alone she and I read together or we pick up a craft to do. 

When N is away, H and I ave fun watching something inane like  Pokemon. It’s TV but we’re on holiday and the regular mum-rules stand suspended for the month.

I often make the mistake of clubbing the kids together as one unit even though they are as different as chalk and cheese and never forget to assert their individualities. Alone time is important to reinforce the fact that they aren’t two halves of a whole but are complete people in themselves. Here are more reasons why Quality alone time is important: 

- To begin with it’s fun and very relaxing to have just one child to myself rather than struggling to balance their very diverse tastes. 

- It’s great for the kids to have things completely their way for a change rather than being pushed to compromise - whether it is choosing what show to watch or what game to play  or which side they get to sleep on. 

- It gives me a chance of focusing complete attention to each child by turn and to understand, enjoy and be totally blown away at how very different they are.

- It encourages them to think of themselves as separate individuals, to express their likes and dislikes without being influenced by the other.

- It reassures them that they are individually loved and cherished for their special qualities. 

- Secure in that love they stop seeing each other as adversaries fighting for attention, taking the edge away from the dreaded sibling rivalry.

I’m off then to make the most of the holidays and perhaps we will be trying out even more sleepovers and day-visits.

Linking to ABC Wednesday for the letter Q with thanks to Mrs Nesbitt for coming up with the wonderful concept of bringing together people from across the world.



30 comments:

  1. What an understanding Mum you are, - I am impressed with the wise way you maintain the twins' individuality.

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    1. Thank you Hildred. The credit though is more their's - they never let me forget how very different they are.

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  2. I wish I could go back in time and make my mom read this.. hehehehe

    We are two sisters with very little age difference

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    1. Ritika I too have a sister three years my junior. I cannot quite remember my mum fussing over us but I do know it's wonderful to have a sibling close in age. You're lucky just as I am.

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  3. Sounds like you have put your plan into action and that they are thriving as individuals.
    Ann

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    1. They sure are Ann. The only problem is I have this luxury only for a month in the year.

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  4. Thats pretty neat! Cool mom :)

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  5. It's difficult not to hover, sometimes.

    ROG, ABCW

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    1. Tell me about it Roger! Ever so hard.

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  6. Quite a tip !! :)

    PhenoMenon, ABC Wednesday
    http://throodalookingglass.com/quite-quiet/

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    1. Pheno - Early days yet but I hope it helps when your second baby comes around :-).

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  7. I am sure your kids appreciate not being named in full in your posts! My daughter has a pseudonym that she chose. Even though she is 26 and on her own, your blog takes me back to the old days when it was just the two of us... and I worked at ways to ensure she didn't turn into "my best friend," which was the fate of so many daughters of divorced mothers. I wanted her to have her own identity. Thanks for reminding me that ALL parents go through that. Amy

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    1. What you say is very pertinent Amy - this thing about not letting your daughter turn into your friend. In these days of nuclear families it must be tempting to do that. I'm so glad for you and your daughter and congratulations on having such a sane head on your shoulders.

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  8. Love the way you focus on the need for alone time, especially with two of them being around. It cannot be easy, Tulika and yet, you seem to do it so effortlessly :)

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    1. Believe me when I say it isn't effortless and I wish I could do it more often.

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  9. Your an excellent and caring, loving mum!
    Thanks for your visit. If you want to know the correct answers of my quiz, you can see them in happywonderer's comment.
    Have anice try!
    Wil, ABCW Team

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Wil. I enjoyed your quiz. Will certainly hop across for the answers.

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  10. You're doing great not clubbing them together, as many are wont to do with twins!

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    1. Thanks Roshni. It's easier said than done. It's always a struggle to get one child to myself at a time.

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  11. That is a nice strategy!
    Happy ABCW!

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  12. nice blog dear
    i followed you please follow back
    http://melodyjacob1.blogspot.com/
    thank you

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  13. Happy Mothers day :)
    you are doing GREATTTTTTTTTTttttt :)


    Bikram's

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  14. Quite an interesting read...

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  15. Wow! you are an awesome Mum :) Enjoyed reading your post..

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  16. Wow! I liked the idea of spending quality time individually with the twins! A great strategy. Will share this with my cousin who has twins too.

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  17. Such a lovely and thoughtful post! :)

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