Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Why holidays without kids are essential for moms


I wasn't born an Obsessivemom. Truly I wasn't. Like I said before I wasn't even a kid-friendly person till the twins came along. And then I was transformed into a mum - all of me. And I'm not complaining. Well most of the time I'm not. Oh okay... I don't really mean it even if I do.



Every mum needs a break

But mums need a break, even obsessive moms. Not just from the kids but also from home and the entire shebang that comes with it - Is there bread for tomorrow, Did I put the curd for setting, The printer's down again, Did the kids finish their homework? What shall I make for lunch, Ah the maid isn't coming in again --- A break from the mental preoccupation that comes with the territory.

Last week, after much debating (with myself) and plenty of prodding (from friends and family) we planned a break without the kids - three of my pals and I. I won't write about what we did there. No, we didn't paint the town red, we didn't booze till the sun came up, we didn't break into a song and dance in the market place - yet it was a holiday we're not likely to forget in a hurry.

It was a holiday where the usual everyday stuff was special in its simplicity, only because we were four relaxed women shorn of our everyday responsibilities and worries. We had no agenda, no places to visit, no shopping to do, no hurry to get anywhere.

I recommend it strongly for every mum - in fact the more you are into your kids the more you need to do this.

Here's why:

It puts you in touch with your before-the-kids-came-along self 

- often the more fun carefree you. With the kids you become a different person - you need to be a different person - responsible and grown up and more than a little anxious.
While on holiday we broke our own rules. We had snacks for lunch, roamed the markets till late at night, stopped at whatever took our fancy, stayed up talking books past midnight then lazed in bed next morning and lingered over breakfast.
An outing like this puts you in touch with the fun-relaxed you, reminding you of the joy of letting go once in a while. When you come back with that reminder you become a more fun-relaxed mum - and that's good for the kids.

It's gives you a reality check..

...bringing home the fact that the kids can survive without you and happily so. Which, for a sane mum, is the most liberating of thoughts. It makes you less clingy, (If you thought only kids were clingy, think again) encouraging you to give the kids more freedom, equipping them to handle more responsibility which is good for them, right?

It shows you a new side to your kids

My SIL, who was with the twins while I was away, said she grew sick of listening to them saying, ‘Mama said… , ‘Mama said…’, 'Mama said...'. This was amazing because it meant they had actually been listening while I was talking and were doing what I asked them to in my absence. Woohoo a miracle! With this new found perspective I can perhaps begin to perceive them as somewhat responsible tweens rather than the babies I think them to be.... and that's good for them.

Oh and it’s rejuvenating

..which means you can get back to the task of mothering with ever more happiness and enthusiasm and the belief that you are on the right track. Which means you can be a better mum -- and that again - yes you got it - is good for the kids.

So for your kids' sake - take that break. 

Disclaimer: Let me clarify - this is just a way of selling the idea to mums who think they'll be deserting the kids if they go on vacation. You should do this more for yourself than for the kids or the husband. You should do it even if life for them isn't quite perfect when you're away. You should do it even if they protest. They'll learn to value you more when you're around. 

You owe it to yourself.

32 comments:

  1. You tell them, Tulika! YES moms, take a break. Paint the town red. Break those rules and just be happy. You owe it to yourself and your kids. I am so glad you did and that strawberry picture is the most adorable thing I have seen in ages!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Shailaja :-D When we saw that board with space for four heads we just had to do this. As for painting the town red.. why ever not?

      Delete
  2. Yes, yes, YES! Have done it. Left the kids home with hubby. Have also left the kids to sneak in a movie with the hubs or a quiet lunch. Why not, I say? I want to keep enjoying all facets of my being.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. I find it tough to shrug off all responsibilities however short the time. It takes practice but is fun once you do manage to shut yourself off.

      Delete
  3. I agree, Tulika..Being a mother is a full time job and sometimes we need to think for ourselves..It's good for everyone around us actually..I'll do this when M grows up a bit and she can be left alone with S or my parents... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes Naba - as a new mum you must be having a tough enough time. But do take a break even if it is for a few hours.

      Delete
  4. Tulika agree with you... I often feel sooper guilty when I take off on my own... Surely need to tone that down...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you mean. Don't - just don't feel guilty. You'll be a better mum after the break.

      Delete
  5. I could not agree with you more. In fact, even though my wife works and I look after Rishi more these days, I still tell her to take a break once in a while. I'm even trying to get her to go on a trip with these World of Women group.
    As for me, well, I need some time too. So we balance it out somedays.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your wife is one fortunate lady, Sid. But this wasn't only about mums. I think all of us need a guilt-free break once in a while - dads too.

      Delete
  6. Moms should do it! You are so right, Tulika! I have seen women from my family being the perfect mums (i like to call them Nirupa Roy! ) for all they think about is their kids! Not even a moment goes in considering their situations or their feelings. What a necessity such a break is for such mums...I can imagine. Rejuvenating. ..for sure. I wish mums didn't feel guilty while doing it, though. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol! Nirupa Roy. Like I said it takes practice to get rid of the guilt, more so if the kids are upset at your break. However over time they do understand that moms need time away from them.

      Delete
  7. I agree 100%, especially after having experienced this myself....it's a very liberating experience & helps you put things in perspective. Very well written Tulli !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for dropping by Nisha. And you're right of course.

      Delete
  8. 100% true. Now, my kids are older, I get lot of me time...and therefore I get to blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right. Whether it is blogging or reading or any hobby - following your passion can give you the break you need. What's your blog address LS? Can't seem to find it.

      Delete
  9. The whole idea of me-time comes from this one. Great post and must read for Mums and Dads :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Replies
    1. Thanks Monica. Good to see you here. Welcome.

      Delete
  11. The opening lines of this post have lots of resemblance with me - not being a kid-friendly person before the kid and then the whole identity shifting to revolve around being a mother. I am becoming an obsessive mom too but since that is your name, I will settle with the bespectacled obsessive mom :D Presently, since Dhruv is just under 5, I am bound to be always around him if not totally engrossed with him. But yes may be someday I will be able to claim my 'letting my hair loose' holiday. You have given me a dream to nurture.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha Anamika we're all obsessive moms at the start of our parenting journey. The trick is to stop being one as the kids grow up and not lose yourself completely in them. Good luck with your dream. It shall certainly happen.

      Delete
  12. Oh yes, Moms need a break too and traveling with women friends is soo cool. Glad that it worked out so well for you on so many levels. Though, I travel a lot and get a lot of Me Time, traveling with my sisters and girl friends is on my agenda. Hope that materializes soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly speaking for me even getting away alone would be a treat but with friends it's that much more fun.

      Delete
  13. Yes, yes, and yes! Agree to everything, but have never done it. Mostly because, the ones I really want to go out with - live on the other side of the planet, but nonetheless - I am hoping to do this sometime soon - probably when I visit home. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw that's a pity Shantala. But have a heart your day shall come.

      Delete
  14. So where and when you going on a Holiday :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Went and got back Bikram. Was a blast.

      Delete
  15. Congratulations! Your blog post was selected for Spicy Saturday Picks edition edition on February 06, 2016 at BlogAdda.

    Please find it here:
    http://blog.blogadda.com/2016/02/06/spicy-saturday-picks-february-06-2016

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Blogadda. My day is made :-).

      Delete
  16. That sounds wonderful Tulika.. It is so important for moms to do this once in a while.. and the entire narration sounds so thrilling.. I'm getting that hint of the amount of fun you had!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Geets. It was every bit as much fun as it sounded.

      Delete

Glad to have you here. It's your turn to share your thoughts...

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails