Tuesday, June 14, 2016

On accepting differences

When the twins were babies I heard a lot of ‘Oh she looks so much like you’ or my mum would say, ‘That’s exactly what you used to do when you are a baby’. And that would fill the new mother in me with such happiness. If you’re a new parent you’ll know exactly what it feels like. Is it vanity? Perhaps. But more than that it is a sense of reinforcement of the fact that the babies are part of me/us - the better, sweeter, most innocent part of me.

Then they begin to grow, as babies are wont to do.

They are no longer as innocent as they used to be. They will be sweet still but they will also be frustrating. They will have a personality quite their own. They will take a bit of you and a bit of your husband and some of your dad and some of his aunt till it is all wrapped up in a wonderful, exasperating, loveable mix.

Try as you might they will be different from what you ever were, because they are different. They are different people with different likes and thoughts and wants and needs. The sooner we as parents realise it and learn to appreciate them for what they are, the easier life will be for us and even more for our children.

This is what my post at Parentous talks about. Do take a look.





16 comments:

  1. You know Tulika, I'm tired of people telling me how I look like my dad and behave like him most of the time. But I just don't see it.

    I don't think I'm anyway like either of my parents and boy I'm glad. Do they accept these differences? I doubt.

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    1. I was also supposed to look like my father too but I behave like my mother. I didn't mind it much but I'd still rather be my own person.

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  2. No matter how similar we are to our parents we are all different in our own ways, aren't we? It is these differences that make us an individual.

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    1. True Reema. The only problem is as parents we keep looking for signs and revelling in how much our kids are us. That, sometimes is not so good.

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  3. 'Our children aren't us' - I guess that sums it all up, doesn't it? I don't think I'd want it that way either. As you said, they're complex and lovable in their own ways.

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    1. Yeah we need to accept and enjoy that.

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  4. Yes, our children arent us. But most of us want them to look like us or behave the way we did as kids or have same hobbies/interests as us. While they may imbibe/inherit a few of these things from us, but mostly they have their own personality, their own identity. I think the sooner we realize that our kids are not an extension of us, but they are their own unique people, the better we'd help them grow and bloom in their own skin.
    Having said that... I still wish that AG takes up reading books just like me... :D
    Enjoyed reading this post, Tulika ♥

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    1. Oh yes. That's another favourite rant of mine - not much reading going on in my home :-(

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  5. It's very true. Children have their own individuality to chart their own course and let their persona shine and come alive.

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    1. Right Vishal, we need to respect that.

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  6. Oh yes. They share some traits and then they do some completely different things. I find it amusing when l land upon a trait just like mine or like my husband. Mostly l don't find it annoying.

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    1. Yeah sometimes it's funny - depends on what traits they've picked up I think.

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  7. I loved reading your article on Parentous. The way you have described your son in his early years is aomewhat similar like my brother. He used to get into a lot of trouble in his childhood. He has got stuck in marshes with labourers being employed to pull him out, he has nearly drowned in the deep water trenches, he was an expert at getting bruises at places no other will get and hence I know exactly what you say. I agree with you with not seeing our sons as 'boys' for their aggression (mine has entered into this phase) but as children or rather humans having distinct personalities. Both the posts are worthy reads showing the light for mothers like me whose offsprings have begun to find themselves.

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    1. Thanks Anamika. We need tons of patience when the kids are not like us at all. Sometimes it is difficult to understand how somethings that came so naturally to us are completely beyond them, and vice versa of course.

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  8. Hi Tulika,

    Wonderful write up... so true they have their own individuality which we should recognize and respect.Really like your writing style also I had something else in mind that I wanted to talk to you about. It will be great if you can share your contact number/ email id with me.

    Thanks,
    Prachi
    8860321188
    puruarora@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

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