Right now I feel like Po, in desperate need of Master Shifu. The twins’ exams kicked off today and that has me all in a tizzy. You’ve heard me ranting already I know. Bear with me, dear friends for another week or two. I promise I will try my hardest to not let my anxiety spill out here.
Correction: I will try not to get anxious at all.
But you know how it is sometimes? One knows the right thing to do and yet cannot? It is hard to not get anxious. They're at that age when I'm not sure how far I should be helping them. It is hard to let them be, to leave them to find their own feet, to be ready to watch them fail. I know I have to do it at some point but is this the right time? Is there a right age, right time at all?
What if that ‘right time’ is different for both kids? What if one of them is ready for that push and the other is not? How do I push one child to study on his own while I focus my attention on the other? Is the first one old enough to understand why I’m not holding his hand all the way like I’m doing it for the other?
These are the things that have been top of the mind for me this week. I will add though, that there has been a move towards independence since the last exam - a tiny minuscule one - but it definitely has been there and that gives me heart.
I am trying not to let my anxieties reach the twins. So they have their television time and their hour of play and we have something called ‘exam treats’ too. They seem to be doing fine.
Somedays I worry that they’re not worried enough and somedays I worry I that I'm making them too anxious. Yes, I’m one big bunch of confusion struggling to find a balance for the children as well as for myself.
I’m not really too nice a person to be around at this point in time.