A is for anger

Once upon a time I used to be an even tempered, ever smiling person. I got along with almost everyone.. at office, with the maids at home.. everyone. I remember one of my nephews was quite a fan because 'Chachi (aunt) is always smiling, mama,' he would tell my sis-in-law.

And then I had the twins.

One day my two-year old was throwing a tantrum and I remarked, 'Gosh! what a temper, she has!' 'Well she's your daughter, isn't she?' shot back my maid. That's not true, thought I even as I felt the anger bubbling up. How cheeky of her, I thought. But I let it pass thanks to the years of training of not being rude and also because she was years older than I was.

Then a few days later I was having a specially bad day. All my maids were on leave (I had three and one point of time) and the husband was travelling. All alone with the twins who were well into their terribly terrible twos it had been a harrowing day with the cooking, cleaning, feeding, bathing. Finally late at night dog tired, I walked into the bedroom with the two bottles of milk. There were the kids with their beach baskets pouring water on the beds. 'Pool...' Lisped my daughter. 

And I exploded.

I don't think I've talked about this incident but the look on my daughter's face after that hard whack on her backside remains with me even today. She didn't cry.. not at all. She just stared back, uncomprehending. I cried then. 

Oh..the regret!

That was the day I realised I had a temper and that I had to do something about it. 

The first thing I did was to start yoga. I am still not sure whether it was truly therapeutic or whether it was the simple idea of doing something about the problem, but I felt better. The fight was not over though, is not over. It's been a continuous struggle.

In this struggle I was directed to The Orange Rhino by friend and blogger Shailaja who successfully completed the one-week no yelling challenge. They have some very useful tips to offer harried mums out to conquer their rage. Do take a look. 

The twins are almost 8 and anger is now a familiar feeling. It still wells up suddenly, without warning, in a flash. However, often I find myself prepared to meet it. I have learnt to recognise the red flags, so to say, and begin to prepare to not yell when I spot them. Spilt milk, broken crockery, the early morning rush, even the continuous noise when they're simply having fun are all red flags.

That's the positive change I  like to dwell upon. Not everytime do I succeed but I'll get there someday I hope.

Linking to ABC Wednesday, which is starting it's 14th round. Isn't that Absolutely Amazing! Do join in. 

Labels: , ,